The Battle for 25 Pounds (Bertha Be Gone)

So anyone who has met me over the past 20 years, I’m not a skinny woman. Nope, not since I was 18yrs old have I been considered thin and to be honest, I don’t want to be skinny. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always wanted a knock out figure but to me that figure wasn’t Twiggy.

My ideal figure was the body of Marilyn Monroe or Jane Russell. I wanted the hour glass shape but I was growing so fast that I was Twiggy. Twiggy with big hips, no butt, and president of the “itty bitty titty committee”.

That "knock out" body isn’t going to be my lot in life and I’ve accepted it. At my current age, I’m happy with who I am and most of the time with how I look. It wasn’t easy to get to this place in my life which brings me back to this blog. Sorry for straying.

In 2005, I decided to take the "bull by the horns", so to speak. After years of struggling with my weight, I threw my hands up and said enough. I wanted to be happy, to feel confident in my appearance, no more fake smiles and false bravado.  I didn't want to go into my 40's being overweight and the health issues that go with being overweight (diabetes and heart issues).  I also wanted to shop in regular sizes. Not that finding tall clothes is easy, don’t get me started on that one!

I called Jenny Craig and started working out at Curves. Within three months I had dropped 20 pounds of the 110 I wanted to lose. That is when the job god stepped in and sent me to Japan, Spain, and Guam.

Which was a total blessing but it meant I had to leave the program.  However, I took with me the lessons I learned.  Japan was the best move I ever made.  Let's just say that even though I didn't think I was anything special before I arrived, I had a completely different outlook by the time I left.  Thank god for the people I met through my travels.  Japan, Spain, and Guam.  You will never know the impact you had on my life.

By 2009, I was almost 90 pounds down and felt great.  I was so proud of myself and I liked the compliments I received.  What's funny/weird is that by losing the pounds, my entire outlook on life, how I live it, and my personality changed. 

I had confidence again, almost too much confidence, may be to the point of cocky. Did I say that? Well, that didn’t last long. I had moved to Virginia and worked in Washington DC. The eating I was able to do on Guam and lose weight no longer applied.  It’s not exactly hot year round in DC and frankly I stopped eating the way I should.

By 2012, I had gained back 20 pounds.  It wasn’t that I was eating too much (most of the time). The fact of the matter was I wasn’t eating enough (only once a day). On a normal day I ate about 800 calories but when stressed it was more like 2000. Still only eating once a day. Get the picture. This is not how you maintain weight by the way.  This is how you slowly destroy your body. Stress eating carbs may be comforting but it isn’t a good thing to do.

I knew I was in trouble with a distorted view of my body. I honestly didn’t realize how much weight I had gained until I saw a photo of myself. I almost cried. That self-esteem I had worked so hard to get back, it turned tail and ran screaming from the room.  I knew what I had to do,  I had been thinking about going back to Jenny for six months but after my Ireland trip, I was desperate.  All that wonderful pub food and eating out for every meal, well I packed on a few more pounds.

I called the local Jenny Craig and started the program again on 1 May 12. I wanted to drop 25 pounds. Those pounds would get me back into my jeans and my work suits.  I wasn't concerned with my looks, I wanted to wear my clothes!  It's a chick thing. 

It hasn’t been easy, especially when stress eating is still a problem. When I’m stressed I tend to go straight for the turkey burger at TGI Fridays. What? It’s fricken good.  I can give those up though.

Also, Restaurant Week (RW) which I refuse to give up. It’s not going to happen and that is exactly what I told the consultant at Jenny. Of course when I managed to drop 3 pounds the same week as RW, she left me alone. Giving up RW is the equivalent of giving up Christmas, enough said.

I've stuck with the program, increased my water intake, do more exercising, and occasionally take the stairs at my apartment.  I live on the 13th floor, so it's a real gut buster.  26 flights is no joke.

Anyway, to wrap this up, I hit my goal of 25 pounds. However, I’m still not completely happy with how my clothes fit so I’ve decided to go for 10 more pounds. I may go for more but I’m not sure yet. I’m not obsessed with losing the total 110 pounds, I just want to be able to fit into my clothes and be happy with how I look.

Trust me when I say, I still want to have the body of Marilyn, Jane, or Raquel. If I lose more than 20 more pounds, I won’t have the curves I love so much. Plus, I think the Honey would protest……….he loves the curves too!

Fingers crossed.

11/5/12 Update:  I changed my mind on the additional 10lbs.  If I lose that weight my suits won't fit.  Therefore, I'm only going for an additional 5 lbs.

4/21/13 Update:  I hit that 25lb goal and then the holidays came around and so did a cruise with the women in my family.  Yes, I had a setback but it was fine.  As of today, I've reached the new goal of 30lbs lost. 

My body still isn't as tight as it was when I left Guam but I'm also 4 yrs older.  I can live with it.  I still have most of my curves and I like how my clothes look on me.  My Honey doesn't seem to mind what my weight is, thank goodness for that.  He is always supportive.  I honestly don't think he cares what I look like, he is more about the person I am, except for my hair.  Interesting huh.